monkeyandthebug

We are excited to share another guest blogger with you, Michael from The Hipster Dad. Michael is a local fixture here in Boston, he runs a production company called NextHYPE, is resident DJ for The Liberty Hotel’s Fashionably Late, and a dad of two. You have already seen both his wife, Adriana of Just By Living, and one of his sons, Hendrix, here on monkey & The Bug. We are so glad he could share with us the lessons he would like to leave for his boys…

I can’t believe this is my ninth fathers day. Nine years of being a dad, almost two of which were spent parenting two children. Thinking of how much time has passed, I am drawn to a memory of a much younger me skateboarding down the street my parents lived on. I was in a hurry to get home and I distinctly remember how it was dusk out, the street lights had not kicked on yet, and I was hauling ass on my Vision board. The wind was cooling my sweat soaked body and there wasn’t a car in sight, I was thinking about calling my girlfriend (and I use the term lightly now, I don’t think we had even held hands at that point), Henry Rollins was screaming from the cassette player shoved into my back pocket. Every care I had in the world was about a problem that could have been solved in a matter of moments, I rarely thought past the following day, and never into the next week. All was right with the world, until I woke up face down on the pavement, body sprawled out in the middle of the road, hot flashes of pain coming from every limb, broken pieces of headphone lay around me and my skateboard was at a dead stop a good eight feet behind me, with a tiny pebble lodged into the front of one of the wheels. Little did I know it at the time, this was one of my first lessons in parenthood.

The road that led me to where I am today was long, really really long, and impossibly difficult at times. Going through a divorce, custody proceedings, and still keeping it together enough to come out on the
other side as a happily married father of two seems almost impossible in theory, but it happened, and I would not change a moment of it. I have learned a lot over the past 9 years, and a great deal of it I have tried to piece together to pass on to my boys. Every mistake I make (and believe me, there are plenty!) I try to learn from, to gain knowledge from, to hopefully translate into a lesson I can teach my boys. I understand they will have hardships in their lives, but hopefully not the same ones I had. If I could pave their road for them, rid it of all potholes, speed-bumps, and pebbles, would I? Yes, yes I would. I cant stand the thought of either of my perfect babies going through their first breakup (remember being 15 years old and thinking the world was going to end?), being made fun of in school, getting a call from a debt collector, or having to get over the loss of a loved one, but these things happen. Our job, as parents, is to minimize the occurrence of such burdens and PREPARE them to handle the world with grace, composure, strength, and SWAG.

I love my boys with every fiber of my being. They are THE reason the earth rotates, they are the warmth that emanates from the fireplace on a cold winter night, they are the tiny, bony foot that goes straight for my crotch at 6am when we are snuggled up as the sun rises, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Below you will find a few pointers I have to offer up to them, to hopefully aid their journey through life, because once they leave our homes that’s all we have to rely on is the love and knowledge we have bestowed upon them. This is for you, Christian and Hendrix:

1.READ WHEN A GIRL BREAKS YOUR HEART:  A broken heart ALWAYS heals. I
know it feels like the end of the world, and you know what, for you,
it is. But it wont last long. I will never tell you stupid things like
“there are other fish in the sea” because, at this very moment, you
don’t want those other fish, you want the one that got away. I
guarantee you will always remember her, you always remember the ones
you loved (or thought you loved, we will have that conversation in 10
or so years) and rightfully so. Each woman helps to make you who you
are today, both the good and the bad, all help to shape you into the
man you will soon be. It’s up to you how this effects you, my advice:
turn to music. There is a song out there for every moment of every
day, and I guarantee there is one out there for this one. Might I
suggest: The Postal Service, Becks “sea change” album, or one of my
personal favorite heartache artists of all time: Jeff Buckley.

2. READ WHEN YOU ARE MAD: Anger is a waste of time. No one every got
anywhere when motivated by anger. Wars and global conflict never
resolve themselves with anger, and neither will this. Put yourselves
in the other person shoes, could you have handled yourself better? Did
this person act out because of their life, because they are a lesser
man then you? I am not saying to forgive and forget, forgiveness is a
precious commodity and needs to be earned, but what I am saying is to
move on. It takes a lot of time, energy, and effort to stay angry.
Take what you can from this situation, try and learn a lesson from it,
and move on.

3. READ WHEN YOU ARE SICK: You are never too old for your mother to
take care of you! We will always have a bed for you, a safe haven for
you to return to. Everyone needs a break from life, be it physically
sick or emotionally drained, you are always welcome back into our home
and loving arms.

4. READ WHEN YOU ARE BROKE: Opportunities are right around every
corner, you just have to be motivated enough to get up and look for
them. If you have a family to support, bills to pay, ends to make
meet, there is pride to be found in flipping burgers at McDonalds, but
don’t stop there, don’t ever stop there! The sky is always the limit,
and it all starts with an idea and the motivation, the drive to go out
and get what you deserve. The two of you have brilliant minds, don’t
ever let that go to waste!

5: READ WHEN NONE OF THE ABOVE APPLY: I love you. I will always love
you, I have since the moment I laid eyes on each of you. There have
been moments with both of you boys that have brought me to tears,
moments that I will look to for strength in the years to come, because
my love for you defines who I am. Before you were born I was that kid
on the skateboard, just cruising through life, waiting for something
good to happen, and it did. You happened, and it changed my life. The
both of you can handle whatever life has to throw at you, both the
good and the bad. DO NOT EVER let that pebble slow you down, get right
back up, grab your board, and go get what you deserve.

Thanks so much to Michael…be sure to check him out HERE on The Hipster Dad